Fantasy Novelist

The Exam (http://www.rinkworks.com/fnovel/)

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages? Depends on pagination. But usually something happens in the first fifty words!
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage? No farmhand. Who doesn’t have mysterious parentage? Don’t make me get esoteric about it.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn’t know it? Only if he or she decides to be. However, my protags tend to have very democratic and liberal agenda.
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy? THE supreme bad guy? Way unrealistic. There are despots crawling out of every cultural woodwork on every world imaginable. As for ‘coming of age’, what does that entail? Two are young girls who gain great power and grow up a lot, but they never really get to the coming of age part. Most of my ‘friendly’ characters share this in common with my heroes and protags, this belief in constantly growing toward self-discovery, self-mastery, and greater understanding of this or that.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world? Again with the singular? It’s going to take a whole cadre of museum curators to gain the artifacts needed to save this world, baby! Not to mention a treasure map from Dan Brown . . .
6. How about one that will destroy it? That is the duality of nature; if there are forces to create or save, those same forces turned against the world must necessarily have the power to destroy or break it.
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about “The One” who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good? Well . . . the prophecies of “The Maiden” are many. Fortunately, the Luminaries are all steeped in an understanding that the term refers to numerous avatars throughout history.
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information? How can it be random if it progresses the plot? Such a character would be flat. He or she must have an interest in things. It can be fun to have them misinform, purposely or otherwise, the main protag(s). Raises a question of why or how, but it’s fun nonetheless. And that question can become a powerful tool for drama.
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise? We are all gods in disguise. I try to keep this true to the realism in my fiction. Some don’t bother with disguises, and some are just braggarts posing as more powerful gods than they are. The question that raises, though, is why the god is there. Being there is no problem; having him there for a reason that fits his own, or the council of gods’, agenda is more important.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character? This is simple psychoanalysis. Duh! But, as stated before, we’re working on a different scope here. There’s always more than one supreme despot. Look at our own history. Look at Homer and Idiat. If there’s a war, there’s always a number of enemies to be slain – an evil empire is like a Leaernian Hydra, Mr. Hercules.
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician? King of the world? Posh! Got an evil high priest on one side, a demon-possessed high druid on another, and a neutral matriarch in the west who thinks she’s Swiss. The rogue sorcerer running around recruiting heroes has no use for duping kings; he has much higher agenda . . .
12. Does “a forgetful wizard” describe any of the characters in your novel? Does that equate to “scatter-brained codger”? Then, yes. Guilty. It’s an archetype for a reason. Find yourself a genius at the head of the pack in most fields, and I’ll show you a guy who fumbles a great deal in either the everyday stuff or in any other specialized field. As wizardry is so complicated and non-linear, it makes sense that he would either be ‘forgetful’ or be fixed in a place he could almost totally control due to his necessary OCD.
13. How about “a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior”? Wouldn’t live a day in my battles.
14. How about “a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons”? This is also a revered archetype for a reason. People have to learn on their own. The wise mystic knows this. He refuses to dispense knowledge in order to judiciously protect others from themselves. It is his responsibility. Whether he deems it necessary to explain that to others is a matter of character; some wise men choose to seem foolish or forgetful, while others enjoy the attention they get from seeming enigmatic to those around them.
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around? No. They occasionally think about it, but for the most part that’s simply too banal for the kind of fiction I write—except when it demonstrates character. Or if the mirror is magic and something is needed from or for it . . .
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued? No. Not without reasons that move the story along.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals? No.
18. Would “a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword” aptly describe any of your female characters? No. My civilization is not so stereotyped in its roles.
19. Would “a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan” aptly describe any of your female characters? It’s possible. But they have servants and roadies to wait on them.
20. Is any character in your novel best described as “a dour dwarf”? No.
21. How about “a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage”? No.
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different? I don’t do dwarves.
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief? Yep. Just like in the real world. But really, vrit xotra, I don’t have many persons under four feet in height. Not actively involved anyway.
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy? If by that you mean transportation and commerce, yes. Otherwise, I’m afraid not.
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented? I frankly don’t care. It’s not a factor. And did you mean the Occidental or Oriental system for baling hay? African swallow!
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like “The Blasted Lands” or “The Forest of Fear” or “The Desert of Desolation” or absolutely anything “of Doom”? Stay out of my hard drive! “Doom” brings me nightmares of the Rock. Does “Desert Forest of the Dark Tribes” count? Simple is good, but . . . a little imagination goes a long way. This is not an RPG. It is a novel, trilogy, decalogue, or pentateuch or otherwise a continuum of novels.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you’ve read the entire book, if even then? No! Duh! That’s the purpose of endnotes.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy? First? I’m on book number five of my trilogy. Okay, so the trilogy is in the can. But the second, prequel trilogy is in the pipe. And a supporting novel is that with which I am currently occupied.
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue? How about that? If one hits, the others should follow.
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book? Not on my hard drives. I’m actually hoping that it’s much more readable, has more action, and far fewer flat characters.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you’re still many sequels away from finishing your “story”? No. Lots happened. Maybe enough for a trilogy. And there is always more story. And more. And more . . . ad infinitum.
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books? Yes. But, then again, no. I’ve drafted the trilogy. Now I’m drafting the prequel trilogy – with this NaNoWriMo tangent to the series on my desk presently.
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far? Dude. Bad form.
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group? That’s my porn line of books. Not my fantasy novels. And . . . it’s really none of your business if we like to dress up like bunnies and romp all over hotel lobbies . . .
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm? Of course. That’s a very significant plot point. Well, if you consider another world to be a fantasy realm simply because it is set up in a societal more of a fantasy realm nature than this world. Just for the record . . . the Laws of Physics don’t change in such worlds; it is the variables that change to make those Laws seem dissimilar to the ones here on Terra Firma.
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names? Many of them have apostrophes – and several have epiphanies. And, yes, some have hyphenated names. And some have accentual apostrophes. That doesn’t happen in the real world?
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables? You caught me! Ouch! I’m a terrible sinner. Damn me straight to pulp hell and get it over with! Of course some of them have names longer than three syllables. And their names usually get abbreviated in dialogue when the character is not formally addressed.
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named “Tim Umber” and “Belthusalanthalus al’Grinsok“? Very unlikely, but there might be mitigating circumstances. Especially if the Umber family fled oppression. Has to be a good reason for it, I agree. One of them better speak in a different dialect or language.
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings? Not as such. I don’t deal with orcs or dwarves or halflings. Gnomes and elves in a way – but not named as such.
40. How about “orken” or “dwerrows“? No. We have varhi, darhi, drastyn, muscotam, and roundears. No terminators and no ‘dwerrows’. We have manders, too. Just not very often.
41. Do you have a race prefixed by “half-”? No. We have classes using that prefix, though: half-ass, half-hearts, etc. Oh, and a half-ass is not a twisted form of centaur.
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines? No. There are no dwarves. Besides, my characters tend to be taller than any dwarven mines. Which raises the question for me, how is it that the tall folk romp through dwarven mines as though they never have to stoop? And how many horses enjoy being underground?
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG? No. I use Dynasty Warriors on PS2. That and my imagination and a few Weapon Master DVDs I picked up from www.martialartsmart.com awhile back. That and moves I’ve seen in about a thousand action and Fantasy movies, as well as that show “Human Weapon” and other specials I’ve caught on the History Channel, NGEO, Discovery, and the Science channel. And a few fights I’ve witnessed in person – whether as spectator or participant. Also from watching my sons through their belting rituals in Tae Kwon Do.
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG? Not since I actually started writing the books. Used to as “research”, but at some point you have to recognize it for the procrastination it is.
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast? No. Should I? What do they pay?
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls? I don’t recall the mention of an inn at all. They usually camp or spend their time in luxurious strongholds.
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don’t? If I thought I knew, I’d think I knew and would therefore not comprehend not actually knowing, now would I? It was a game show, right? Surveys and all that . . .
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place? Please define, “inordinate amount of time”. This is a very intriguing question. I’ll have to keep in mind when I go back for revisions. Thank you.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won’t break the plot? No. There are always reasons to keep secrets. And there is often something someone knows that would help, but they have no idea what they know or assume that everyone else knows and so fails to say anything. Happens in real life all the time. Why should it be different in fantasy fiction?
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as “fireball” or “lightning bolt”? More like ‘summon lightning’, but yes. No fireballs . . . not as spells, anyway.
51. Do you ever use the term “mana” in your novel? Not if I can help it. One or two of my characters is likely to at some point, but I don’t recall it coming into the mix. They also use the term “juju”.
52. Do you ever use the term “plate mail” in your novel? I don’t think so. My knights tend to use mixed armor. Never full plate armor.
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term “hit points” in your novel? No. I would use “strike points”, and then only to describe a Kumaté lesson. It actually did occur to me to call them ‘hit points’ as I was writing; I rolled off my chair laughing.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs? I’m pretty sure a pound of gold weighs close to a pound. I deal more with barter than gold exchange in my world. Usually gems are high-end bargaining chips. Portable wealth.
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? With the right drugs, and with a healthy enough horse. Sure. It’ll be worthless afterward. But, it’s really unlikely the horse would make it half a day before it keeled over dead – or tumbled forward, killing both horse and rider.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day? Sorry, I cater to violence but not sex. My first novel was written by request of an 11-year-old girl, my second a sequel for her ten-year-old sister. My guys fight a great deal in somewhat encumbering armor. But two straight hours on the field is likely to cause loss of some armor voluntarily or otherwise. And after riding from battle for four hours, they usually pass out from blood loss and have to be carried to the infirmary.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it? Yep. Most of them do. As long as they recall the weapon’s name. They don’t return automatically—only on demand. It was especially necessary for our drastyn riders, as there is no room to operate a normal bow or crossbow from the harness – and lances get in the way of the wings when the dragon flies.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? I don’t think anyone in my books carries a scimitar. I’ll have to check. If so, I don’t imagine it was quite as effective as he would have liked.
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? Only with help. Like from a charging horse or a magic weapon. I’ll have to check. I don’t think so. Sometimes my characters have to shed armor due to the pounding it takes, though. And the same would happen to the opposing heroes.
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? Which sword? Swords can weigh from just over one pound to over ten pounds. Are we talking foot or cavalry sword? Saber, sword, or scimitar? Fencing or cleaving sword? Broad, long, short, slim, slight, or cane sword? Curved or straight? One or two handed – or freakishly hand-and-a-half? Claymore? Khopesh?
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains? Wouldn’t be unattainable then, would she? No.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? Busted. I’m a poet, I can’t help it. But there’s a fair amount of physical humor as well. Especially in the first two books.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger? Have you met my ex-wife? I’ll face the hammer twenty out of twenty times. Thanks. It’s a lot easier to dodge a car than it is to dodge a viper . . . speaking of puns . . . make that a cobra or mamba or coral snake.
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man? Depends on numerous variables. Overall, it’s unlikely to take more than one arrow. But there are other points to consider. What kind of warhead tips the arrow? Did it lodge in bone? On the way in or out? Did it hit vital organs? Arteries? How hefty is the man? How healthy? How strong? How enduring? How willful? Did it puncture armor to get there? How deep did the arrow penetrate? Which side of the chest? Front, back, left right? At what angle? When we’re writing about heroic characters, do we expect them to be as fragile as the next sot in line? Or do we expect him/her to be heroic? What makes them heroic? Endurance is an heroic characteristic. Surviving an arrow through the chest might make his or her reputation. Has it ever happened in real life? Yes. Many times. In many ways. Arrows, bolts, spears, javelins . . . bullets, shrapnel, and numerous other puncturing/wounding devices.
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an “on the road” meal? You are seriously mistaken here. It takes under an hour for a good chicken stew. Prep and all. I do it all the time. Camp stew is not cauldron stew. It is an excellent camp meal because it can be composed of ‘found’ ingredients, the most important of which is water. It’s especially excellent if you carry the requisite spices and seasoning along – because they take up very little space and weigh very little. AND, we’re not writing about gourmet stews passed around a campfire. We’re talking about “feed me now ya bastard! I’m hungry” stew. BUT, if you’re going to include dried beans—that’s going to take awhile. Beans take time.
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead? No. They live in a desert forest (imagine Joshua Tree National Forest) and drink from hide bladders or clay pitchers. Wood is a problem – who’d waste it on all those barrels? Or where import them from? And the honey season is too short on the tundra to cultivate enough for that much mead. They’d need to drink something like grain and hops fermented into whatever they want to name it, but not mead.
67. Do you think that “mead” is just a fancy name for “beer”? Right. Like vodka is just another kind of whiskey, or poetry another genre of fiction . . .
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? Wouldn’t that simplify things! To some degree, my world does suffer this condition; however, that’s as significant to setting as setting to plot. The races are intermingled, but there is a territorial separation of sorts among religions and regimes.
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves’ guild? There’s a thieves guild? That explains a lot. But unless it’s in the subtext, NO. The worshipers of the sungod are.
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? Only his own. But that’s a natural consequence, not so much a punishment. He’s more likely to hold you down and have you possessed by a demon . . . or just humiliate you. I deal more with the heroes than the villains.
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? They don’t smoke. They do occasional shrooms, but no crack. And Marlbrew now and again, but no other drugs. The bard is a powerful sorceress, and she plays the cello, not a lute. And she is anything but worthless in a fight. Perhaps a bit too Harry Potter in that she prefers to stun the enemy. But who wants a ten-year-old sorceress who likes to kill things? Isn’t that a bit sinister?
72. Is “common” the official language of your world? Language is not an issue until the third book. It is a curiosity, but not an issue. Why would different societies speak different languages in another world? Besides, the sentients there (in Kumari Vale) are descended from a higher race, and have improved verbal understanding that makes language a non-factor for the most part.
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before? I haven’t explored it thoroughly, but I’m very skeptical that this is the case. There is a sprinkling of lost civilizations that crop up now and again, but a certain merchant in Voutan seems to have a monopoly on the artifact market.
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? Only in as far as it was a rip-off of mythology. No. Wait. It was completely a rip-off of myth. Guess not so much then. Though there are parallels people keep trying to draw. They are incidental and have more to do with archetypal awareness than with any literary theft – which, by the way, is an honored tradition.
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully. I did. Besides, I never read that series. I can’t stand Token’s narrative voice. I find him condescending and stilted. Love the movies, though. If I ripped off anything from anyone, I robbed Donaldson and Brooks, pilfered a bit from Feist, and built the whole thing on a foundation cornerstoned by Barbara Hambly.